Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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