that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
