He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
