she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
this will be a night to untag.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
