Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
