No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
