you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
