She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
