SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We smell like vodka and hangover
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