My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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