Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
