watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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