Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
