I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
