You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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