He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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