I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
