the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
