He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
