Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize