I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
