We're facebook friends in real life
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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