If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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