now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
