all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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