how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
