Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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