she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
