WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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