somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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