in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize