Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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