a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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