no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
