Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
