I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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