I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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