I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
