Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
