Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
