I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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