yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
