I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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