so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize