dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
only if we run a train.
done.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I will pee on everything he values.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
