I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
