I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize