im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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