oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I haven't been this sober since birth.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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