Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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