Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
