I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
operation harelip BJ is a go
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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