I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
do herpes really smell.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
