i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize