Dual....:-)
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
