wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
