i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
