Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
