Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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