I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
