He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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