the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize