In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is the high leading the old right now
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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