i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
