Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize