I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
