she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
