Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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