Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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