The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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