Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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