Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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